The Baby Shower.

Baby birthday of liesMy younger cousin is about to give birth to the first baby of the next generation on my Mom's side of the family. Very exciting times, indeed. Seems that the rest of us cousins are either too bitter, too busy, or too gay to reproduce.

This is what lead me to look for baby clothes. I don't care much for babies but I love baby clothes. I love anything that's a miniature version of something else. I go gaga for kittens, sake cups, tiny salt shakers, clementines, those little liquor bottles from a mini bar, the tiny etch-a-sketch key chain I used to have, and the full deck of playing cards the size of a matchbook. You get the idea. So, while the idea of producing an heir from my loins repulses me, the idea of shopping for its tiny fashion needs is delightful.

I saw a strange shirt while I was shopping the other day. It was sized for a 6-9 month old and had a cute sparkly pattern with the words "I'm the birthday girl" written on the front. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't it impossible for a 6-9 month old to actually be a birthday girl? Wouldn't the only size that would make the shirt a truthful statement be for a 12 month old? Are we teaching 6-9 month olds to lie so soon in life?

Mind you, I'm no clothing nazi. You can wear Tuesday underwear on Saturday for all I care. But if you were the manufacturer of baby clothes, couldn't you put something else, more truthful, on the front of a shirt for 6-9 month olds? Something chronologically non-specific like "I'm a friggin' baby" or "I can't help but crap myself" or "No blood for oil." Something that will be true for at least a few years.

A 7 month old girl wearing a shirt that claims it's her birthday? What's next? A 2 year old claiming to be 3 to get the student discounts? Where does it end? Get with the program, baby clothing manufacturers.

(And come see me at Gotham on March 25th!)