Write my autobiography? By Saturday?

I've been asked to bring a "headshot and bio" to my next gig. This is an exciting prospect. I spent a hefty penny on my headshots and I'm excited to possibly hand one to someone. The bio, however, is a little perplexing.

How does this go exactly? Can it be funny? My instinct is to make it funny since I'm branding myself as a funny person -- funny enough to make you rich if you play your cards right, sir. But somehow, I don't feel like it should be funny. So, a serious bio about my experience as a comedian? Where do I start? I've been unbelievably balls-to-the-floor hilarious for my whole life. How do I fit a lifetime of hilarity on the back of a headshot? And if I write modestly, someone might think that I haven't been funny enough. Do I write it in acting resume format? Do I put my measurements? Do I list my many special talents? (Very steady hands, certified scuba diver, can hypnotize a horse in under 12 seconds, etc.) This is quite a pickle.

I think you should come see me at The Laugh Lounge on Saturday, June 7th. That's what I think.

Laugh Lounge
151 Essex Street (bet. Stanton & Rivington)
$12 + 2 drinks

I think I should get a new hair dryer by then. That's also what I think.