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Welcome to Carrie Gravenson's website. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you laugh again. You seem emotionally unstable.

Ah, New Year's. 'Tis truly a delicious holiday.

My general modus operandi on New Year’s is to go to a drunken party. This year was no exception and to really drive the point home, I attended three parties over the course of the night. Even with the inevitable hangover, New Year's is one of my favorite holidays. I think my top four rank as follows:

1) Carrie Gravenson's birthday
2) New Year's
3) Halloween
4) Flag day

One day, I will make a holiday matrix that explains the pros and cons of each holiday. To me, New Year's has far more pros than any other. I will explain these pros now:

1) New Year’s isn’t a gift giving holiday. There’s no pressure to give the right thing or to politely fake being psyched about something ugly, stupid or useless. Or to regift something and wonder if the trail will ever lead back to the original giver.

2) In the same vein, you don’t have to send a card. New Year’s greetings get grouped in with Christmas greetings. Awesome. It’s better for the environment.

3) There’s no obligation to hang out with family on New Year’s. Christmas, Easter, Passover, Hanukkah, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and many of the barbecue-themed holidays revolve around getting together with family. Family time is reserved for weddings, funerals, milestone birthdays and anniversaries. Isn't that enough? Do I have to waste my precious vacation days by spending them with my family too? C'mon.

4) It’s one of the few holidays that promotes mayhem and partying. St. Patrick’s Day is another and if you’re of a certain age, Halloween. I guess Easter is supposed to be a big drinking holiday because it marks the end of Lent but I’m not counting that because Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that’s a bad reason to get drunk. New Year’s is purer, though, because you don’t have to pretend to be Irish, Pagan or Christian to celebrate. It includes everyone. (Yes, Jewish and Chinese people have “different” New Year’s, but they can still celebrate because this is the modern calendar year we are talking about, not some hocus-pocus cultural malarkey. (I hope I offended someone.))

5) New Year’s festivities don’t revolve around heaps of food. There’s no fattening meat-based planned sit-down menu for New Year’s like on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter or even the Memorial, Independence, and Labor Days barbecue motifs. Eat what you want. Have a salad, save room for booze.

6) New Year’s is about self-evaluation and renewal. I like those things. I think it’s important to reassess your life and see if there are ways you can improve yourself. It’s a chance to be a better person. A clean slate. Resolutions are about being the best person you can possibly be. Can't say that about Columbus Day.

7) New Year’s also means the end of the long holiday season. Officially. No one has to worry about what gifts to get people and where to be for the holidays and all of that money spent. All that stress is finally over.

8 ) Auld Lang Syne. Best song ever. No one knows the words to that damn song so they just sing the first line or two and then drift off into incoherent babbling while remaining vaguely faithful to the tune. Last night, we didn't even try to sing any words. Babbling from start to finish. Always good times.

9) Glitter on my face! And no one says anything. It's like a little party right on my eyelids! When else can you do that?

10) Since the party part of the holiday is the night before the holiday itself, you have a whole day to recover. Thus, it has a Saturday night feel rather than the Sunday night feel of most other holidays.

At drug stores, Valentine’s Day crap is already up and Christmas crap is in cardboard bins for 50% off. (If you love Christmas, don’t worry, it will be back in four months.)

Happy New Year's everyone!

I gots the FoMO.

Apologies to Miley Cyrus.